My 2013

Hello everyone, I would like to share my year with you. This year has been amazing and I have learned so much! 

In the beginning of the year I was unemployed until the end of February. I learned to not just waste away my time and that I really must have something to take up my time. If we are not productive that gives us all sorts of time to have a pity party which is not any fun. Then I finally landed a job at Lowe's Home Improvement where I have met several great people that I love to work with. I learn from all the people I am regularly in contact with at work every shift. I love my job and cannot wait to see where God takes me next year. 

I would like to let everyone know I am an official ABCVA. So now my name has initials at the end which is kind of amazing to think I actually accomplished the 1st step of my career goal I set out to do. For those who do not know that stands for Animal Behavior College Veterinary Assistant. I did a 10 stage program that took me 2 years to complete. The 9th stage being an externship at Lexington Humane Society in their Spays the way program. I loved it there and really enjoyed working with the people and animals. I currently still volunteer there when I have time and money. After I graduated from that and got my certification I took a long break because I wasn't sure I wanted to be a dog trainer anymore. 

During this break I did a lot of soul searching and really began to grow my relationship with my Godhead. I am learning more and more about each one of them. I love every second of it. I have learned much about not judging people and about accepting them as they are. Which is hard to do sometimes but I know that as long as I know I am doing what is right there isn't anything else I can do. I continue to learn and grow every day. I believe that your life is in a bad place when you stop learning and growing. I also turned 21 in March. Which makes my life seem more officially mine. 

The summer went by with much work and I got involved in the Rowland Arts Center for teens. I absolutely love spending several evenings a week with the teens that come there. Getting to know each one makes me know with out a doubt that is exactly where I should be. I have met even more wonderful people and really get an idea of what selflessness means every time I am there. I wouldn't spend my time anywhere else. 

It has been over a year since we lost our beloved Aunt Beth, and I know if she were to see me now she would be proud of all that I have been doing in my life. I have grown and nurtured my relationships with my family as much as I can. I love each and everyone. I really enjoy being apart of their lives. I have also learned alot about letting people be involved in my life who genuinely care. 

I have several really really amazing people in my life that are always encouraging me to go forward and supporting my decisions while helping me see clearly when my emotions get the best of me. I love each one of them dearly and really wouldn't know what to do with myself with out them. 

I am learning how to play Bass guitar and while I would say it is slow I am blessed to be able to learn it at all especially with the teacher i have. I couldn't ask for any better. We went to our first live concert out of state by ourselves. I have also been 2 years accident free which is super exciting! 

Over all I am a 21 year old young lady who is learning more and more about God and life. I do not have a boyfriend and have never been on a date. My life is complete and full of service to children and people and homeless animals. I have so much more to learn and give. In 2014 I am excited to see what God does and I am going to get my dog trainer certification. I will continue to learn bass and volunteer my time as much as I can. I love my life and everyone in it. I think I have covered everything in this update on the year past. 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year,
Sam

My Sweet Darling Beloved

My Sweet Darling Beloved,
I lay my head with thoughts of You. I awake my heart full of You. I cannot get enough. I want so much more. I want to always be worshiping You, Singing to you. MY heart it yearns for more of You. I wait for Your guidance in matters of my heart. You told me that it is Yours and is now covered in Your pure gold. It is locked and guarded for the day You say yes. Until that day I want nothing more than to walk with you and talk with you. I want to seek you out learn more of you. I can hardly contain the smile I get when I close my eyes and see you before me giving me the most loving joyous smile I have ever beheld. I cannot just walk on the street and ask for people who know you I must find you personally. I want so much for people to feel your embrace and to have the power that comes with the knowledge of your grace and love. Hope springs eternal but not alone. I have such hope for the things that You can accomplish and Faith that I shall see them all through. I know not what exactly You have for me but I have trust beyond belief that you will see it all through. Continue to grow in me, Continue to let your love burst forth like a wild fire that is over flowing and uncontrollable spreading so fast, yet gentle and nourishing. I want so much more of you and trying to find more ways to find you. Yet the way that speaks to me most is my dreams and my worship. To know that you want more of me too is almost just as unfathomable. Yet you are mind, and I am yours. Spirit lead me... guide me, mold me... Make me the woman I know I can be and the woman you want me to be.  

Forever seeking,
Sam

One year ago today.

Today is the day. One year ago today when we lost someone who was a treasure to our family. I remember going to GameStop to see about a game while waiting on news as we knew it didn't look good. I remember getting a call from Bruce and knowing it couldn't be good as I heard his choked up voice saying she's gone we lost her. Life was slow that day and that moment I felt like my whole world stopped.

All those thoughts going through my mind why? How could this happen? All the plans I had and now they're shattered. I wanted to teleport and time travel just so I could tell her I loved her one last time.

That day.. and the days following were wretched and lovely all at the same time as our family joined together in tears, pain, and laughter. The love we had for her brought us together closer as a family. Dad did the funeral service and we all felt his pain as he got choked up and could hold it together.  I remember that time and asking God to keep her soul safe and He gave me a dream that showed me how she was in His care.

As time went on we all held on to each other closer then before. Yet I couldn't listen to most songs I loved. I couldn't think about our amazing fun times. I couldn't think about my future and how she wouldn't be there to see it. The whole that ripped and tore at my heart I feared would engulf it for a long while.

One day I met a couple people and God decided it was time to help me heal. I had nightmares and I didn't want to let go of all the pain because I thought if I did I wouldn't remember her anymore. But as my friend held me while I cried and let all my heart out I could feel God hugging me. Whispering in my ears everything is all right I am here with you. My other friend may have been silent support but I knew they both cared when all I needed to do was cry.

Today I look at the year that has gone by and I've been able to grow through my pain. I finished my certificate. I got a permanent job. I'm doing things I've always wanted to do. And I know in my heart she would be proud.  I've had good days and bad days. But more of them are good now. Do I still have days when I think of her and cry? Yes. Are there times when I hear some songs and have to change them still? Yes. Do I think of her and some of our memories and still have pain? Yes, but now there is also sweet smiles when I think of all our laughter. Do I remember how loving and wholly she accepted us no matter how odd we could be? Yes and I want to be that kind of woman.

Aunt Beth. I miss her and still hold her close to my heart. I still feel pain when I think about lotion and doctors. But I know that our family with strive and we will continue to grow closer to one another. They say time heals and the pain eventually goes away. But I don't believe that's true. If you love some one and cherish them when they pass away there will always be that spot in your heart and life where they should be. So while we will get used to it and we do things knowing she will be proud of us it will still be painful sometimes.

Things were different one year ago today. I was crying on and off. I couldn't imagine a world with out her. Today I have lived in the world but her memories and love live on inside us. So it may not have been with out her completely. As we continue to grow and move forward we always cherish our loving memories and thoughts of her. We will also grow closer.  Now I am going to spend this day enjoying the love of our family.

To everyone who has lost someone and reads this but ultimately to the people who lost her like me. I Love you, God loves you, and you are not alone. Silent tears roll down my face with hurt and pain now but before they were loud. Its okay to let it out. We will never forget her.

Preparing to be his help meet

I finished Preparing to be his help meet. by Debi Pearl today. It was very interesting and inspiring. I mean some of these concepts I had done when I was younger out of a desire in my heart but I eventually stopped. But perhaps it is time to start again. The first chapter was about prayer. When we pray He answers. The question then is what are we praying? are we praying that we will get the spouse of our dreams? or are we praying that all the warriors in Christ are walking in strength, wisdom, and understanding? Are we praying that God continue to protect and lead all these young men? Are we praying that God show us how to be the woman they have always dreamed about? Honestly the answer to that question I have found is most often no. We are always so focused on us that it takes quite a bit of hard work and God talking to us to change our focus. My focus went from being what kind of man do I need? to What kind of woman does he need? I had also been so focused on myself that I forgot to love people. In order to truly serve God then we need to love people and serve them, with a cheerful attitude.. That is what gets me the most. Reminding myself to be cheerful no matter what I am doing or what else I could be doing. If I am working hard for who ever needs me no matter how bored or wrong I may think them with a bored attitude or "Man, I can't wait to be done" "I have so much crap i could be doing at home" I stop breathe pray a small prayer and readjust my thoughts. I want to bless people how ever I can. If that means I am serving them, just being in their company, listening to them, talking to them about my problems to get them not stuck on their own, praying for them, or my favorite telling a story to make them laugh then that is what I am trying to do. God has called me and Chosen me for great things. I cannot wait to meet my husband on day, but for now my heart is God's and His alone. 
To be continued....

Hear. Listen. Obey.

I find it interesting how many times we hear God's words in our minds and hearts but don't listen. Or we do listen but we don't obey. How hard is it really to do all 3? Pretty hard sometimes i admit. Sometimes I feel like we are so caught up in everyday problems that we miss the bigger picture or forget that God is there with us walking beside us or leading and clearing the way. He spoke to me this past week and i found that listening and obeying makes me feel wonderful and truly cheerful and happy. Then we have those of us that feels like God would have to show up and talked thru a burning bush like with Moses to know He was the one talking. I wonder why there is such a difference in hearing Him. Maybe we deep down are afraid to hear him or really understand that He calls us and wants us to be part of His world. He loves us so much do we really understand that? Do we want to? Maybe we r afraid of failing Him.
To be continued....

To be yourself or not be yourself when meeting new people, that is the question.

Hello dear world. Today's post is about new friendships.
When meeting someone new what should we do? The usual answer is be yourself. Well the majority of the time people don't really want yourself, they want a polite almost perfect bubbly person. I mean how many times have you been going through stuff and you decide to take a chance on the new person? Most the time they might feel bad for you but they don't really want to talk about that. They don't care that much about you. This isn't a story where you read the first chapter and you are automatically hooked into the hero/heroine. As much as we all think about our lives that way. You have to get to know someone first and after months of getting to know them you finally know what you can confide in them and what you can't. How many friends do we have that we can tell everything and anything to? I can think of 3 that I know I can trust with anything. They are amazing friends. all of my other friends I can talk to about most things, but not everything. 

The next question is how did we get those amazing friends? Well the first thing that comes to mind is I didn't meet them over the internet and we were friends before there was texting. So what am I saying? Am I saying I think we should throw the internet and texting into a pile of fire? No I am not. Sometimes we need to remember that old fashioned is not always a bad thing. I got the amazing friends I have from meeting them in person, making dates to go to lunch or just hang out with each other for the day. My point is in order to make and keep good friends you have to be around them face to face. If you don't meet them in person you will never really know if you can be good friends or not. 

Why shouldn't we text or facebook new friends when we are first getting to know them? Well we aren't actually getting to know them. What do I mean we aren't getting to know them? We may be reading their opinions but we aren't hearing their voices, we aren't seeing their reactions, we can't even tell how passionate they are or aren't about the topic we are discussing. This is not getting to know someone. Yes, it is hard not to be like oh add me on facebook or here is my number text me. But imagine all the better relationships you will have if you wait and gradually get to know them at work, or invite them to do things in groups. You'll get to know the person, the real person inside what makes them laugh, what makes them mad, how they handle grief, how they deal with stress, what makes them sad and if they cry. You will be able to really know and enjoy the person. 

The point in all of this? To be yourself or not be yourself when meeting new people? If you are facebooking or texting these new people then do not be yourself. do not have long conversations limit your text messages to one page responses. If you need more than one page to respond then call them. Calling someone should not be a thing of the past but should be embraced. If you are having a serious conversation on facebook and you can't tell how they are actually feeling about it then Skype them, tell them to call you to discuss it, or make a time to talk about it later. Be yourself always but hold back when you are not meeting them in person. 

Today it poured

I dreamt of you last night and not for the first time. I woke up afraid of what i would see next. I got out of bed only to see the rain, it came down like the tears in my heart. All the pain and mourning makes the hole feel 3 sizes bigger than my heart. When will the pain lessen? Will I never be able to think of you with a smile and not tears? I tried to be cheerful but the music I normally listen to that makes me so cheerful just made me cry harder. How can I think on work or smiling when i can't get the dream and sadness out of my head and heart? I trust my favorite verse Isaiah 41:10 that the Lord is with me, yet the pain is still so strong and the sadness is worse. I miss you and I love you. One day we will meet again and how happy we shall be! Your birthday approaches and we used to revel in having our birthdays 10 days apart. I know you are celebrating in heaven but how can I stay happy when i know I can't get a response when i wish you happy birthday. Until we meet again.

Desperacy indeed is pathetic

I fail to understand why guys think that just because a girl is friendly with a nice face and pretty smile that they will just magically fall in love with them the moment they get to know her. How is it that they think that one nice moment or maybe a couple is enough to base anything like LOVE on? This is not a movie we are living it is real life. So be realistic. WE are all human with very real faults. Not every personality matches or even can get along well together. Is it the desperate lonely feeling they get when they haven't had a good girlfriend in a while? I think it is almost insulting a guy thinks they can fall in love so easily, meaning no matter what they say it can never be certain to you or anyone else that they won't fall out of love just as quickly. I mean hello, what will they do the first time you get mad or aggravated to them? I am the type to argue when I get bored and walk away satisfied with a nice witty argument or debate. If a guy can't do that or backs down or gets upset about it is just pathetic to me. Guys these days think that every girl they fancy themselves attracted to should be easy to get. Why should we be easy to win over? what is wrong with having standards and not giving in or settling for less than you need or deserve if you're standards are realistic. I just do not understand how they think love is so cheap and easy.